Zandrue was sitting, head in her hands, on the bench in the centre of the conservatory. Felitïa took a moment to watch her before approaching. She was reminded of a similar moment when she had eavesdropped on Nin-Akna and Anita in here, and for a moment, she wondered if she was doing the right thing.

But this was different. For a start, she wasn’t hiding from Zandrue. Zandrue just hadn’t noticed her yet. She would approach in a moment and make herself known.

However, she had a similar paranoia now as she had had then. She tried to tell herself it was more deserved now as she was better rested and thinking more clearly. However, paranoia was paranoia, and was rarely rational. Still, would Zandrue even talk to her?

Of course she would. She’d had time to calm down, and Zandrue was always conciliatory once she’d calmed down from losing her temper. Everything would be fine.

Felitïa glanced back at Mikranasta, who had agreed to stay back for this—not far, but at least far enough to provide some privacy—and to allow Felitïa to block her from her mind.

Mikranasta had been eerily calm about Felitïa’s transgression last night. She had reprimanded Felitïa and had told her, in no uncertain terms, that if anything like that happened again, she and Hedromornasta would depart, leaving Felitïa to deal with her abilities on her own. But it was the calmness with which she had delivered the ultimatum that was the most unsettling part. Felitïa would have almost preferred she had been angry and raging. But that was Mikranasta’s style, she supposed. And it was an unnerving and effective one.

Felitïa quickly ran through a concentration exercise in her head to calm her nerves, then stepped forward. “Hey.”

Zandrue looked up, wiping tears from her eyes. “Hey.” Her hair was dishevelled and she was still wearing the same kirtle she’d been wearing last night.

“Mind if I join you?”

Zandrue shifted to the side to make more room on the bench. “You’re here. You might as well.”

Felitïa sat down and placed her hands in her lap. She looked forward at first, uncertain how to start, but then turned her head and smiled at Zandrue. “I...uh…” As she started to speak, Zandrue did, too, so she stopped and so did Zandrue.

After a nervous laugh, Zandrue said, “You go ahead.”

“No, it’s okay. You start.”

“Is Nesh okay? I’m so sorry. I…”

“He’s fine. The bed is pretty soft. He probably won’t trust you anymore and will go back to being like other animals with you, but he’s otherwise fine.”

Zandrue smiled and looked aside. “I’m glad. I really am sorry. I… Gods, fuck my temper.”

“I’ve got some good news,” Felitïa said. “Rudiger’s fine.”

Zandrue turned right back to Felitïa, her eyes widening. “He is? How do you know?”

“I might have been a little naughty.”

“What did you do?”

“Bypassed the shield.”

Zandrue grinned. “You can do that? I mean, I know you’re capable of breaking through it, but wouldn’t that be noticeable?”

Felitïa nodded. “It would be, though I didn’t rip it apart. I just kind worked through a little hole.”

Zandrue threw her arms around Felitïa. “Oh gods, Felitïa, thank you! He’s fine? You’re sure?”

Felitïa hugged her tightly. “I’m sure.”

“I just can’t get my mind off him, no matter how hard I try. I worry non-stop. I...oh gods…” With a wail, Zandrue broke down sobbing.

Felitïa continued to hold her tightly, and let a few tears of her own drop.

When Zandrue calmed, she lifted her head and kissed Felitïa on the forehead. “Thank you so much. I really appreciate, you know.”

“You better,” Felitïa said with a grin. “I might not have ripped the shield apart, but I still got caught.”

Zandrue chuckled. “Uh oh.”

“Yeah, I didn’t do it with as much finesse as I thought I could.”

“What happened?”

“Mikranasta threatened to leave if I ever do it again, so you better be damn grateful.”

“Believe me, I am.”

“Good.”

“What would I do without you?”

“Get into a lot more trouble, I suspect. I’ve gotten you out of so many scrapes.”

“Hey, I was young for most of those.”

Felitïa laughed. “I suppose so. Listen, Zandrue, at the risk of a repeat of last night, I need to do something.”

Zandrue pulled back a little, her smile drooping.

“I’m really worried about you, Zandrue. I spoke to Jorvan a couple hours ago. He told me he’s given you a list of people in the palace he thinks you should talk to, but you’ve ignored it. He’s tried to suggest actions to you, and you’ve resisted even talking to him.”

Zandrue groaned and looked away.

Felitïa reached out to her, but Zandrue batted her arm aside and turned away from her. “Please talk me, Zandrue.”

“I…” Zandrue looked back briefly before turning away again. “I know I haven’t...I mean… Fuck it.” She turned back to Felitïa again. “I know I haven’t been...that is, I’ve done nothing, but…. Fuck! I still can’t talk about it. Like I said before, I can’t stop thinking about Rudiger. He’s on my mind every moment, and I’m terrified something has happened to him. You just told me he’s fine, but you know what my head’s doing right now?”

Felitïa shook her head slightly.

“I’m telling myself that was… When was it?”

“Last night.”

“I’m telling myself that was last night. What if it’s changed? What if he died right after you checked on him? Or maybe a couple hours later. Or maybe even a couple moments ago. I know he’s a big boy, Felitïa. He can take care of himself. Look how well he did on his own in Ninifin. Sure, he was up against a fucking dragon, but he’s a survivor. Your own ability to check up on him in your head confirms that, and yet I still can’t believe it. What the fuck is wrong with me?”

Felitïa placed a hand on Zandrue’s arm. “I don’t know, but I want to try something, if you’ll allow me.”

Zandrue pulled back slightly. “What?”

“This might just be paranoia on my part, but…” How did she explain this? “There’s been a lot to be paranoid about lately, and maybe your paranoia about Rudiger is completely natural, but…”

“You’re wondering if I’m being magically manipulated.”

Felitïa nodded. “It happened to both me and Nin-Akna.”

Zandrue stood up and approached a nearby plant with large, wide leaves. “Yeah, but the person who did that is dead.”

“Yeah, she is, but according to Jorvan, membership in the Pundritta passes through family lines.”

“I know,” Zandrue said, pulling on one of the leaves.

“We know so little about Plavistalorik other than she resided here for a long time. Did she have a siare? If so, where are they? Did she leave them in Isyaria or bring them here?”

Zandrue turned around. “You think her siare has been here in secret all that time?”

“I have no idea.” Felitïa stood up and approached Zandrue. “But do you mind if I check?”

Zandrue opened her mouth as if to speak, but froze. She shivered for a few moments before finally saying, “I was about to tell you no fucking way, but I don’t know why. And it took a hell of an effort to resist that urge. I think you better check my head.”

Felitïa took her hand and led her back to the bench. Once they had sat, she placed her hands on either side of Zandrue’s head. “I wish I could use my telepathic abilities for this. Even though I don’t know how to use them fully, I do know how to use them to augment my magic, but Mikranasta would never allow that, and she’s waiting just a short distance away. She’s also strengthened the shield, so there’s no way I’m secretly bypassing it.”

Zandrue snickered.

“So I have to do this with only magic. I’m not sure I’m all that good at doing it this way, but we’ll see, shall we?”

“Just get on with it,” Zandrue said.

Felitïa smiled. “Of course.” She closed her eyes and cast the spell.

This was not a spell she had used very often. Elderaan had used it on her frequently, but there had been little reason to do it the other way, with either Elderaan or anyone else. Other than Nin-Akna, she wasn’t sure there had ever been anyone else.

There was no benefit of the Room this way. No personified presences. No weaves of magic. No diamond walls to sever connections. Just a general feeling.

She adjusted the spell slightly, looking for even the slightest hint of mentalism magic. There was nothing, so she adjusted it again. Still nothing. She did that a couple times, each time trying to focus from a different angle, changing the position of her hands on Zandrue’s head slightly.

Gods, this would be so much easier with the Room.

Finally, she let go and sat back.

Zandrue looked at her for a moment. “Nothing, huh?”

Felitïa shook her head. “Nothing.”

“You don’t think there’s nothing though, do you?”

Felitïa shook her head again. “I don’t think I’m skilled enough to find it.”

“Figures.”

Felitïa took a deep breath. Zandrue wouldn’t like what she was about to suggest. “Zandrue, would you mind if I asked Mikranasta to check. She’s so much more powerful than me. If there’s any interference, she can find it.”

Zandrue shook her head. “No way.”

“Zandrue, please. She can—”

Zandrue held up her hands. “Hear me out for a moment, Felitïa. I agree, if there’s something wrong with my head, it needs to be found. But I want you to do it.”

“I just tried.”

“I’m not done. Please hear me out.”

Felitïa nodded. “Sorry.”

“You said you’re stronger with your telepathy. I want you to do it that way. Go to Mikranasta and suggest that it be part of your training. If you’re going to learn to use your abilities, you have to practise on somebody else eventually. Ask her to...I don’t know...extend the shield or something. Just enough to let you into me and nobody else. Then there’s no worry of you accidentally getting into someone else’s head. Just me and you’ll have my full consent. What do you think?”

Felitïa looked her in the eyes for a moment. The idea made a lot of sense, but Felitïa couldn’t be sure Mikranasta would agree to it. It couldn’t harm to ask, though. “Are you sure? Because you need to be really sure, Zandrue. I haven’t told you...because, well, I haven’t really had a chance...but when Mikranasta lowered the shield briefly when we first learned of what happened a couple weeks ago, I saw some things in your head. Memories that…”

Zandrue grabbed Felitïa’s shoulders and looked her in the eyes. “Felitïa, I’ve been terrified of your telepathy for most of my life, mainly because I was scared you’d learn certain secrets about me. But you know those secrets now. Anything else I haven’t told you is just because I haven’t had time to tell you or haven’t thought of it. I don’t care what you learn, but I do care what Mikranasta learns, so I don’t want her anywhere near my head. Plus, the sooner you get your shit together, the sooner we can go rescue Rudiger.”

Felitïa laughed.

“Please do this for me.”

“You know I will. I can’t promise Mikranasta will agree, but I’ll ask her.”

Zandrue wiped a tear from her eye, but smiled. “Oh, I’m pretty sure you can convince her. You’re the Will-Breaker, remember?”

Felitïa rolled her eyes. “Don’t remind me. Apparently, she’s been lecturing you.”

Zandrue chuckled. “Yeah, sorry about that. I was…”

“You’re already forgiven. You always are.” She put her arms around Zandrue and hugged her tightly.

Zandrue hugged her back. “I love you so much. You and Rudiger are all I have, and the thought of losing either one of you…”

“That’s not true,” Felitïa said, not letting go. “You have Meleng and Jorvan and…”

“It’s not the same. They’re my friends, sure, but you’re my family. My only family.”

They maintained the hug for a little while longer. When they separated, Felitïa wiped tears from Zandrue’s eyes, while Zandrue did the same for her.

“Oh,” Felitïa said, “before I forget, Anita asked me to tell you your memorial gown is ready for adjustments. You just need to go see her. The sooner, the better, because there’s not much time left.”

Zandrue grimaced. “Oh gods, Felitïa, I’m sorry. I’ve been so caught up in my own misery, I sort of forgot. Here I am, going on about you being my only family, and I’m completely ignoring you’re in mourning for your family.”

Felitïa took Zandrue’s hands in hers. “Nothing to be sorry about. If we’re right, you’re not exactly thinking clearly. Besides, they might have been my blood family, but I didn’t have much of a relationship with them. Sure, I mourn my father, but…”

She cried that first day she’d learned of their deaths, but as she thought about it now, she hadn’t really spent any time mourning since. She still hadn’t gone to see Sinitïa—she should really try to do that soon, before the memorial—and she hadn’t thought much about what she’d lost. She’d been busy, sure, but still… Should she be mourning more?

“Lost you there,” Zandrue said. “Still with me?”

Felitïa looked in Zandrue’s eyes and sighed contentedly. “Yeah, I’m here, sorry. You’re my family, Zandrue, much more than my blood relatives, and I love you, too.”

They hugged briefly again. Then Felitïa stood up. “Right, off to Anita you go.”

Zandrue stood and saluted. “Off I go. And I promise, I’ll look into Jorvan’s list. And I’ll go talk to him, too. And Bandren.”

As Zandrue headed off, Felitïa braced herself for the conversation with Mikranasta she was about to have. This was not going to be easy.